All right, Nature. I get it. Perhaps I'm not spending enough time with you, and you feel the need to come to me. Because as I was unloading groceries from my car last week, I happened to look up and see a wasp's nest hanging inside my trunk lid. Not cool, Nature. Not cool.
There was a single wasp perched on the baseball-sized structure. I immediately froze. I looked at it. It looked at me. And I know we were thinking the exact same thing:
"This shit just got real."
But I still had perishables to unpack, so I closed my trunk and went inside. I then placed a call to my dad, a veteran of many wasp battles, to inquire about an appropriate plan of attack. Upon hearing my predicament, he laughed for a full minute. Then we strategized.
Having been stung before, I wasn't terribly worried about anaphylactic shock. But I did know that that little sucker was capable of zinging me multiple times, and I didn't know if he had friends. I wanted to end the night after sustaining the fewest injuries possible (which I think is a good aim every day).
So the second time I popped the trunk, I did so with a can of insecticide in one hand. I was all, "I'm here to unload groceries and kick ass. And I'm all outta groceries."
And the wasp was all ... dead. It was a bit anticlimactic, really. I grabbed an old license plate, flipped the nest out of the trunk, and then stomped on it for good measure.
When I told my sister this story, she said, "Aren't you afraid there will be hornets in your car now?"
Well, I wasn't . . . until she said that. Perhaps I'll just have to drive around with the windows down more often. Let a bit of nature in. And, if that little bit of nature is airborne and angry and full of poison, maybe let it out.