Stretch of the Imagination / by Courtney Mehlhaff

A few years ago, when my sister was dating a guy who was 6'6", we decided to have a tall joke contest. These were my submissions.

He is so tall that . . .

17. When you talk to him, there's a two-second delay.

16. If you want to hug him, you have to hire a sherpa.

15. His first toy was the world's largest ball of twine.

14. He had to upgrade to Verizon's stratosphere plan.

13. For show and tell he brought Babe the Blue Ox.

12. When he failed his driver's test, he blamed cloud interference.

11. He instructs his barber to "just trim it to 40,000 feet."

10. When he pees in Grand Forks, they start filling sandbags.

9. He's the only person to join the Mile High Club without a plane.

8. When he wants to change the channel, he just taps the satellite.

7. His parents had to record his growth chart on the Washington Monument.

6. He was the only kid in Little League to catch a comet in right field.

5. When he says he sees dead people, you know they're in heaven.

4. When he moons someone, the tides change.

3. Birds worry about him pooping on them.

2. He had to take the Statue of Liberty to the prom.

1. Other kids had lice . . . he had aliens.