Shake a Leg / by Courtney Mehlhaff

I'm now going to tell you a story that's as short as it is horrifying.

Walked into my bathroom today and found about a 4-inch long hairy centipede on the floor. Uttered a very choice curse word. Sprayed it with insecticide. Was waiting for it to stop moving when suddenly about half its legs popped off and wriggled across my floor.

[I'm adding just a line while I shudder during this recollection].

You guys, those legs were moving independently. Like it jettisoned them and they were individually making 15 separate breaks for it.

As with many things, I'm less upset that it happened and more upset that I can never UNSEE it. 

Even after psyching myself up to clean up this crime scene, I felt there might not be enough toilet paper in my apartment to transfer this gruesome little Voltron-esque abomination to its final resting place.

I know two things for sure. 1) There is not enough toilet paper on the face of the earth to cleanse my haunted memory. 2) I'm going to stop using bug spray and just start using fire.